Those Phrases from A Dad That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You need support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider failure to talk among men, who still hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."